I don’t know what to write.

I don’t know what I believe regarding religion or the existence of God. I don’t know what my biological dad looks like. I don’t know when I’ll die or how I’ll die. I don’t know what you’re thinking about right now. I don’t know what I did on Oct. 31, 1989. I don’t know most of physics (neither do physicists). I don’t know what happened to the first girl I liked. I don’t know if what I know is knowledge or belief. I don’t know the future. I don’t know most of the past. I don’t know why I am how I am. I don’t know if you truly like me. I don’t know a single fact about the year 1741. I don’t know if my pet lizard died of starvation or if the crickets ganged up on him.

Do you have the courage to say “I don’t know”? What does it even mean to know something? Can you claim to know something and then be wrong? Are you hiding behind “certainty” to combat your uncertainty?

I don’t know.

I recently looked at my Myspace page. I haven’t been on there in quite some time. I poked around and read through some of my old college blogs. I wrote some pretty funny and deep stuff back then…sort of.

10 examples:

1. I took a journalism class in early 2008 that compelled me (not required me) to lie to my Myspace friends. I posted a bulletin about getting married and ended up convincing tons of people, including a roommate and a couple good friends. Then I wrote a blog for the class (which I also posted on Myspace) about what I learned from the experience regarding the way people analyze claims.
2. I once battled a tiny scorpion. No, it wasn’t a quick victory because I was a wuss in late 2007 (and possibly still am…not sure).
3. I wrote a screenplay in a core humanity’s class in 2007 that we turned into a short film (terrible acting). It was an obviously fictional discussion between Jesus, Socrates, Andreas Capellanus and Lysistrata about the meaning of love. Aced that shizz.
4. In 2006, I thought I was deep so I wrote a blog about a Death Cab for Cutie song, that discusses what it means to be committed to someone forever.
5. I wrote a tiny blog while depressed in 2009. It read: Sometimes I think young adulthood is like that cold transition between turning off the shower and getting dry.
6. Wet floor signs are ineffective, as I pointed out in a text to my friend Ed in late 2008.
7. Sharing is not caring if you’re sharing an STD, according to me in 2009 (and now…wear protection).
8. In 2006, as a 19-year-old, I realized what it meant to be a man. I think I had just started growing hair on my chest at that point so it’s a totally trustworthy blog.
9. Pigeons are mean to tiny birds. Ever notice that? Oh, right, you probably have a life. Well, I didn’t in 2008.
10. A middle-aged woman hit on me at a casino in 2008 while I was with friends. People still tell the story to this day and a nickname originated from the experience.

So…what did you learn?

There’s a popular term used by American Christians: Season of doubt.

It refers to a period in your life when you doubt something within Christianity. This could be doubting the love of God, doubting Jesus rose from the dead, doubting the trinity, etc. Tell an honest, American Christian you’re doubting and they’ll likely admit they doubt sometimes and say something along the lines of “It’s cool man, you’re just going through a season of doubt.” They’ll refer you to books, articles and pastors if they lack the correct answers. They’ll pray for you and follow up with you, sometimes.

But what happens if your “season of doubt” is more like a “lifetime of doubt”? What happens if occasionally doubting the claims of Christianity is more like constantly doubting the claims of Christianity? Every prayer, every worship song, every reading of the Bible, every Christian conversation. Welcome to the last 10 years of my life.

Honest, American Christians kind of start giving up on you at this point, I’ve come to learn. Sure, they care about your salvation but they just don’t know what else to do. You know the arguments, you know the Bible verses, you know the theology. What can they do except be your friend and pray?

I wasn’t always like this. I never used to doubt. But at age 16, an atheist in an atheist chat room challenged my faith. That’s when I started constantly doubting. Since age 16, I haven’t been able to comfortably accept or deny Christianity. It’s always bothered me. It’s always convicted me, always kept me up at night.

Maybe this is just my burden.

A few times a month, I have friends asking me how I became a freelance writer, since they want to do the same. So I thought I’d put my response into a blog. Here’s how to become a freelance writer.

First, answer 5 questions

Here are 5 questions I ask people before giving them advice:

1.) Have you been published before? This could be your school paper, a community newsletter, on a company’s website, etc. Even a popular blog could do. You’ll likely need to demonstrate your writing skills to employers, via these writing clips.

2.) Do you have writing on your resume at all? Either one task of a job, a writing-related degree, as a skill in the ‘skills’ section, etc. Customize the resume. Make yourself sound awesome (be truthful, though). Writing clips trump all but your resume may be all you have right now.

3.) How much money do you want to make? If you’re a beginning writer, you will probably be left with free or low-paid gigs (by low, I mean seriously under $20 for an article). The average respectable magazine pays anywhere from 10 cents/word to $2/word. Don’t expect to make this as a beginner, though.

4.) Do you have skills that go well with writing? Such as video, photography, social media, etc. This could work in your favor if a company wants more than just a freelance writer. But some people argue to just pick one.

5.) What kind of writing do you want to do? Magazine articles? Web copy? Press releases for a company? Technical writing (manuals, etc.)? Technical writing pays the most. If you can market a niche, you may be better off. Meaning, experts on a subject or type of writing can sometimes market themselves better than general writers.

3 paths to writing gigs

If you have no writing experience at all and you want to start a writing career, you may want to start with an unpaid internship, at a school paper (how I started) or by earning a writing degree. Otherwise, there are three common paths you can take to find writing gigs:

1.) Personal networking: This is almost the only way I go about it anymore. I attend networking events, strike up conversations with people on airplanes, go to parties, etc. All but one gig I’ve landed since 2010 has been through networking, whether that be meeting an editor while ringing her up at Whole Foods or meeting someone at a networking event. These gigs, in my experiences, pay higher and are more trustworthy.

2.) Pitch directly: Sometimes I pitch articles to magazines or propose writing projects directly to companies via email. While I almost always get a response, that response is almost always a no. It’s tough going about it this way. They might not even need anyone. If you do pitch to a magazine, please read their freelance guidelines and research how to write a query letter.

3.) Job boards: I almost never apply for writing gigs on job boards. Rarely will you find good paying gigs this way. If you’re a beginner, you may need to take this route, though. Just make sure the company is legitimate. But keep in mind: You may be one of thousands of applicants.

2 hard truths about freelancing

It’s not all perfect.

1.) Freelancing is inconsistent: You might suddenly lose 20 articles a month, which happened to me last year. Or you may have way more writing than usual one week. Some weeks I work 10 hours, others 50. There was seriously over a $2,000 difference between my best and worst paycheck last year. You need to plan and budget for these inconsistencies.

2.) Taxes and insurance are no longer done for you: You have to put aside a certain chunk of your checks (15-35%, depending on location and income) for taxes. You have to buy your own insurance. You’re running a business now and have to cover all the leg work your employer used to cover (including marketing for gigs).

Why freelancing is awesome, despite it all

For the most part, I work when and where I want. I can take on or turn down gigs. I can take off however much time I want, theoretically (if I’m able to manage it). My job is always changing, never stagnant. I am, in many ways, my own boss (though, technically, I work with more editors than ever). I’m in control.

If you want to just freelance part-time, then some of this doesn’t apply. But full-time freelance writers enjoy many perks, while still facing the difficulties and risks of running a business. Don’t dive into full-time lightly. Make sure you have money saved up and understand what you have to offer. Treat it like any other business. Take it seriously and it can be the most flexible, fun career ever. Otherwise, it might just fall apart.

One last thing: If you can, get a degree in journalism or English. You’ll gain skills, network and it will make your resume that much better. I’ll write more on writing in coming blogs. In the meantime, feel free to ask me any other questions.

I took a communication class in college. You see, I’m not the type to talk much in class. But I realized that if I don’t talk on the first or second day of class, I never will. I’m not very good at opening up over time. I’ll either open up immediately or stay reserved, in most cases.

But in this communication class, I knew I’ll never give great speeches if I don’t open up immediately. So I started raising my hand the first day of class, despite everything inside me that just didn’t want to engage. This gave me the courage to give a ridiculous first speech about how to be a good Myspacer (remember that site?). Over time, my speeches became more and more gutsy. I was truly comfortable around these people.

In my last speech, I did something that displayed my level of comfort around my classmates: I dressed up as a homeless person and gave a persuasive speech on why the girls in the class should date me. I didn’t land any dates but I did receive an honorable mention from the professor at the end of the semester. After that speech, my potential to open up became clear to me.

All this to say, I’m sorry if you’ve never seen this side of me or never will. In my soul, I am whacky, confident and deep. I just get scared to show it, especially if I didn’t right away.

Aside from the most technical of writing, scholarly articles and hard journalism, I have a very liberal view on writing: Write how you speak.

As I mention in my Huffington Post article about writing college app essays, I’m not suggesting you interject sentences with “umm” or go crazy with slang. I just get tired of people becoming someone else in their writing, someone they think the reader wants them to be.

I want to hear from you. No-one else.

I adopted this philosophy in my late teen years, after seeing the success of a humor piece I wrote for the Las Vegas Review Journal and being advised by a teacher to read my work out loud. I realized people like my voice and that I wasn’t using it.

Once I began to apply this philosophy to college essays and editorials, I felt free. I felt like me. Like they were liking what I wrote and not the awful style of writing they teach you in public school. I realized, wow, all these rules we learn don’t really apply.

Like starting a sentence with “like.” Or starting a sentence with “Or.” But we do that in real life, don’t we? When did writing not become real life? Do you always talk in complete sentences? Fragments. I sometimes speak in fragments. And thus, I write in fragments, without any shame or second thought.

I have not committed a true error in this whole blog. Sure, journalism and English majors tend to have their different styles. Sure, New York Times dictates I refer to someone as Mr. on first reference. But in the grand scheme of language, if your reader understands you, and you know that commas show a break in a sentence and periods mean a sentence is over, you’re golden.

And that’s what I think has been lost in writing: It stopped being about the reader understanding us. It started becoming rules. No wonder people hate to write. When in reality, if you like to speak, you should like to write. And if you’re good at thinking, you’re good at writing. It doesn’t get more complex than that. The professionals might correct some of your punctuation or indent a paragraph for you but it doesn’t mean you’re not a good writer.

I hope this blog encouraged you. Be free.

Below is an article I got paid for but that never got published. I like it too much to let it not be read. I don’t own rights to this article.

I’ve just been injured in an ice skating accident while on a date with an unbelievably attractive, way-out-of-my-league girl. You’re on the scene. Here are five things I hope you, the paramedic, achieve during and after operating on me.

1.) Be confident or at least fake it

Chances are, I’m freaking out. I don’t do well with excessive bleeding. This is mostly because one time I left a doctor’s appointment, after he said the bleeding had stopped, and bled for five more hours.

Because I already lack trust in my body’s ability to clog itself up, I need you to be confident. Or at least fake it. Honestly, I won’t know the difference. But if you’re also freaking out, I will worry even more. If you don’t know how to act confident, then take some online college courses in communication or acting or something. Whatever it takes to calm me down so you can better do your job.

Now is not a time to doubt yourself. Do what you were trained to do, the best you can, knowing you’re the best person for the job and the only one in that moment who can save my life.

2.) Don’t let my date tag along

If you let my date into that ambulance with us, there are two possible scenarios.

The first is that I’ll not want to seem weak in front of her and will try to act like none of this fazes me. But it does faze me. I’ll likely begin crying or screaming and I don’t want this super model woman to see that side of me so early in our relationship.

The second scenario is that she’ll see you, a person in power, and think, “Wow, what am I doing with this loser?” You know the mysteriousness of the female psyche. If I lose this girl to you, I will probably never trust paramedics again. Please, just say, “Sorry miss but no-one’s allowed to ride along.” And say it in the most unattractive way possible, please.

3.) Have patience with me

I ask a lot of questions. I mean, I’m a trained journalist for goodness sake. Plus, I watch way too much “House.” Please just bear with me. Give me confident, quick answers. Don’t leave much room for follow-up questions. In fact, I hereby give you permission to just put a mask on my face if I begin to annoy you.

Also, if it helps your purposes, say something like, “I’ll explain later. I need you to be still now.” I probably don’t need answers at that time, anyway. Sometimes I’m like a kid asking, “But mommy, why?” I just need to trust you in that moment.

4.) Recognize my humanity

I’ve worked many customer service jobs in my day, and know that after a while, people start becoming numbers. This isn’t the worst thing ever when working at a grocery store but in the medical field, I beg of you, see me as a person first and not just as a patient.

I’m not just an arm that bleeds when you poke it or strands of DNA wrapped up nicely beneath skin. I have a family and friends just like you do. I believe if you keep this at the center, you’ll do a much better job on me. You’ll fight with all your might to keep me alive, just like you would your own daughter or wife.

5.) Go along with my lie

Chances are, my ice skating accident won’t be too drastic. But when I tell my friends and super hot prospective girlfriend, I’m going to exaggerate. I’m going to tell of how I was bleeding profusely and how you yelled out something like “I don’t think he’s going to make it!” and how I just sat there, brave and cool, and basically saved my own life.

Please go along with this story. If we see you at a bar, affirm to the story’s validity. Heck, even tackle more awesome things onto the story. Make me look humble in my telling of it. I want my friends/hot date to say to me, “Jon, why didn’t you also tell us of how, as you were bleeding immensely, you hopped out of the vehicle to save a kitten from getting hit by a car?”

Seriously, go wild with it. Make me look like that noble social worker who helps underprivileged kids find a tutor and get into college. They have no reason not to believe you.

Unknown ~ Unknown

This is my gift to you, high school seniors. In my years of writing about education, editing essays and advising friends and family, these are my five greatest bits of advice for choosing a college…

(Continue reading my article on USA Today College).

Whether or not they realize it, many Americans commit a huge mistake when thinking of God.

You see, in America, there are two ideas taken seriously: Christianity and atheism. So, if someone can’t fathom the idea of God not existing, perhaps due to not knowing how something can come from nothing or being blown away by the intricate design of the world, then they instantly flock to Christianity (or some knock-off of Christianity, like Mormonism). And on the other hand, if they have serious issues with Christianity, perhaps due to so much evil in the world or biblical contradictions, they identify with atheism (or agnosticism).

Of course, they’re often aware there are other possibilities but don’t take them seriously. They laugh off other religions as absurd (“Oh, what is it, 99 virgins when you die? That’s ridiculous”) without even researching if the religions might be true. They don’t even take time to research if their own damn religion is true! It’s true because they had some vague spiritual experience or they take it seriously because our culture takes it seriously.

If you’re an American who has deconverted from Christianity, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s automatically assumed you’ve become an atheist. Well, it’s not true for me. I’m not an atheist. I’m not even an agnostic. Who’s to say I didn’t become a Muslim or a Buddhist? I’m not but why isn’t it possible? Why don’t people ask me that? No, instead they ask me why I’m an atheist or why I hate God.

I’m equally skeptical of all worldviews (even my own) and try to research as many worldviews as possible, not just the ones my culture takes seriously. I hope you’ll do the same.

Unknown ~ Unknown

More people are applying to grad school and less people are going, according to a report by the Council of Graduate Schools.

The report, released in Sept. 2012, shows a 1.7 percent decline in enrollment of first-time graduate students between fall 2010 and fall 2011 and a 4.3 percent increase in graduate school applicants. All fields experienced a decline in enrollment, except health sciences, which increased by 6.4 percent…

(Continuing reading my article on the USA Today College site).